Welcome to the family.
I'm glad you found us but sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.
Please get help for yourself, regardless of how you think your mother will feel about it. She doesn't have to know why you're going to see a doctor.
Please find a good shrink. Ask him or her about depression. You sound very depressed, and as someone who has depression myself, I think you could use some help.
We also have a friends and family of alcoholics forum specifically for people in your situation. Some good insight there.