Hi Jeff. Are you okay? I have been absent from SR. What is going on?
I can relate. Right now, I HATE sobriety. I got so pissed because everyone had been demanding and hounding me to wipe their butts. I rrrrrreally want to go to the store and get a 4-pack - hide it and then save them for days like this.
I keep thinking, "why am I trying so hard to stay sober when I am completely miserable?" Am I really an alcoholic? Ten minutes ago I would have said no. After reading your post, I know that I am.
I am sitting in my car staring at the asphalt in a parking lot near Burbank (coincidentally). The thing that stopped me from driving to get wine is reading your threads. I was just imagining what I would do with the wine. Would I be happy with just those four mini bottles? Probably not. Truly I do not mean any offense when I say this: I won't drink because I don't want to be in the state that you seem to be right now. I remember it. It was not fun. It was not relaxing.
I am also remembering how difficult it was for me to detox; I was extremely physically dependent upon alcohol.
My dogs know when I am troubled, too. Who would watch your dog if you left? Please take care of yourself tonight.