BTW think about how your child will feel when he is in his 20s and his mother hasn't been able to care for him because of alcohol. Take it from someone whose mother abandoned her to be a full time drunk. You need to be strong, if not for yourself for your son. You have been given the gift of awareness and you have a great community to support you here. You can learn from others who made these mistakes. Try to think about the big picture. You are better than that, you are in control and you can be an awesome mother! Just because you made a few mistakes doesn't mean you don't have the capacity to change into the awesome person you are. Believe in yourself and try like hell! You got this girl!!