It sounds like an excuse to drink again, SDH.
If remembering is what you need, hey, you can do that without drinking again. Why not journal these details and go back to read it later when you need to?
Have you heard of playing the tape forward? You imagine what's going to happen to you if you take a drink... fast forward to all the gory details so that you don't end up "romancing" the drink. The reality is grim for those us who are addicted. There is no way I would drink again to go back there and find out how bad it is. I know how bad it is!
Hope you decide to buckle down and put a plan in place.