For me-- no secular groups around here, seems strange, this is a fairly liberal town, Eugene Oregon. I'm 47, drank heavily the last 4-5 years, (started off light, then the usual pattern until started cutting back 5-6 months ago) have been sober for 3 weeks now. Am not having trouble with urges- have had some physical stuff going (withdrawal stuff) on but my main issue right now is what to do with my life-- Now.
I drank because of a relationship which is now over and was the main focus of my happiness and life, now I need something to bring me some dignity back I guess. I've spent so much of my life--not sober--meth for a brief horrible time when I was younger, smoking pot through my 20's and early 30's then the drinking that started with a glass of wine at night to 8 oz and over at my worst. I have spent most of my life
Not sober.
I am allowing my body to repair itself--still pretty tired but better--had some stomach issues that were bad. Been using that time to watch movies which I enjoy plus trying to get some inspiration I guess, stuff like Hotel Rwanda, the Book Thief, The upside of anger, Bessie etc. Listening to Dr. Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, listening to A New Earth--awakening to your life's purpose right now in the car. I read Allen Carr's book and I'm not even tempted to drink, I'm just so afraid my sober life will be boring and make me just one of the proles if you know what I mean. There was a brief time from my late 30s to early 40's where I didn't smoke a lot of pot, and didn't drink. It was a pretty good time I guess, except for the fact I had a teenage daughter lol. I volunteered a lot, my work was going pretty well. Then I fell in love with someone I work with--I'm used to rejection--never had to keep working with someone when it happened though.. I was suicidal for a few years, dug myself out of that even with the alcohol problem getting worse.
I've gone to working just 3 days a week, don't know how long that will last, I hope awhile at least ) I was devastated by getting passed over for a supervisor position--you guessed it--a month ago or so. In the meantime I know I will regain my energy and be able to do more things. There's a lot around the house that was neglected in my 4 year alcohol absence, I'm big on working out, although, in my late 40's I'm kind of in a what for ? mode. Yes I know all the fantastic benefits, but I mostly did it for vanity and I'm about to give up all hope in that arena. I'm going to sign up for a beginner yoga class which I've always toyed with doing. I'm a new grandma but I have 0 relationship with my daughter right now due to her lying about my husband (it's bad--she's a pathological liar but really pulled one out of her a** awhile back), but I would like to have some kind of relationship with my grand daughter eventually. She's expecting again btw. Oh yes-- I do have a husband. He smokes pot every day, I don't have a problem with it in general, for him it kind of tones down his natural type a personality. We're pretty liberal in every way. I used to have fun with him but in the last few years the alcohol has really killed the fun. I can work on that. He is very supportive of me and why he puts up with all my crap I don't know. I'm still not over the one, but I'm starting to understand I'm going to have to let go. I've had a lot of trouble working in a very conservative work environment under some very christian bosses the last few years,(grocery store) and I really feel like there was a real attempt to crush my spirit. Those people are for the most part gone-2 retired and a whole new chain has come in that is a great place to work, but I'm still left humiliated by the former. Yes the drinking caused me some real issues I wasn't even aware of until now really ( I consider it to be the same as meth, just legal and less expensive) but I was fairly together. I never missed work, in fact it was the last thing in my life I felt was good still. I feel like I could easily give in right now and go way without a fight and they win. I become Ned Flanders and spend the rest of my life operating like a stepford wife. This is where I am right now--at a loss of purpose I guess. Thanks for your time in reading this..
