Derailed
Had a nasty binge this week. Picked up some booze last Saturday and drank straight through until Thursday. It wasn't supposed to have lasted that long, but we know how that goes. And I can honestly say that I would probably still be drinking now if I didn't have work to hold me at least somewhat accountable.
So, this being day 3 (I had my last drink sometime early Thursday afternoon, dumped the rest out), here's a reminder to myself and others how bad this feels.
Thursday night, little if any sleep. Mostly just sweating, tossing and turning. Took a sleeping pill, still didn't sleep. Crept in and out of dreams/nightmares though. Anxious and shivery.
Friday morning. Could barely walk. Physically my body just wanted to stay horizontal, even though I was too anxious to do so. Couldn't think straight, face red and puffy, slight trembling. Drank a lot of water, but seemed like I was peeing it out as fast as I could get it in. I guess rehydrating after a binge like that is a process. Managed some light cardio, I'd have preferred not to but I had to go to work and I thought it might help straighten me out a bit. Work was tough, walking around seemed like swimming in molasses. Talking to customers for more than a brief moment made me sweat. Interactions with co-workers was also forced and uncomfortable. I kept wondering if they could tell how "off" I was. I'm sure they could.
Friday night, more night sweats and that lovely sense of impending doom. I kept hearing voices in my AC and it freaked me out. Other light audio hallucinations. "Is someone in my apartment?" type stuff. Got some scattered spurts of sleep, but still very anxious, shivery, and at times woke up a bit terrified.
Saturday morning. Feeling a little better, though I can't wait to have a full night's sleep. I suspect I will sleep more soundly tonight. Face still a bit red, hands slightly trembling. Am comfortable with doing some light cardio and not as afraid to go to work tonight.
So that's the detox so far. I can't say why I drank again, I guess I'd just decided to. Saw an opportunity for a prolonged binge (though I told myself it wouldn't be as long as it was) and I took it. I'd been fighting the "just one more time" feelings for weeks.
I'll probably add some more here later, but for now that's about it. Some exercise, then get ready for work. Hope you're all feeling better than I am.