Thomas I hope you wake up today an realize the truth, you can go on liquoring yourself up every day your wife is gone and ultimately be miserable, or you can be strong and decide you would like to live without the pain and regret drinking brings.
I am sorry I do not have any support for someone who wants to drink and full well knows it is bad for them and constantly posts about it. The reason I came here was support to help me quit not keep on going down the dark ugly slow death path for alcoholism.