I'll be praying for you today Vendetta. Praying you will block out that AV just long enough to find the strength and sanity to stay sober today and to break this cycle.
Don't give up again. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. That is exactly what you should be doing. Just try to remember that the professionals on the end of the phone can't just bend / break rules for you (you want them to get the sack? be unprofessional?) or act like you're a friend. They're not. This is their job. They speak to hundreds of people a week. Maintaining their professional distance is how they can do their job without burning themselves out or having nervous breakdowns.
Maybe re-read your old threads and see of you can spot patterns that repeat. This could help you recognise your AV more easily. You could start here...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...f-created.html
Please remember, you deserve a happy and sober life. But you need to reach out and grab it.
If you feel that you would like a more caring environment, I would suggest getting down to some AA meetings. Everyone in the room (of a Closed meeting) will relate to how you feel, and can offer empathy and compassion as they are non-professional and are therefore free to interact on a more personal basis. I know that arriving at my home group now feels like stepping into a warm bath. There is so much love in that room I often feel quite choked up. I really do hope you find what you need. (This may well be different to what you think you need).
Take care x