Thread: Sick brains
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Old 05-20-2015, 08:35 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
noinsanity2423
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: NM
Posts: 96
If you're in the middle of the ocean, and you're trying to save someone with lead weights tied to their legs, you will drown with them. The only way is to let him go, and let him decide whether or not he wants to untie the weights to save himself from drowning.

I know it's hard. It's been a month since I broke everything off with my ex fiancé, and I relapsed a couple of times by messaging her, telling her I love her, explaining why I left again, and letting her know that she needs to choose help before we get back together. I know that I need to work on me because if I keep talking to her, she will find some way to pull me back into the crazy. If I don't get better, then I will go back to the crazy and possibly wind up dead next time.

Codependency is just as much of a progressive and fatal disease as alcoholism. It can cause health issues from the stress that one experiences when trying to take care of an adult child. Many people get sick from stress related illnesses. It can also kill by pulling you into their addiction. Many addicts started out as codependents, and they got wrapped up in alcohol or drugs. If you stay in a relationship, you will watch him destroy his life, and when he winds up dead, in jail, or who knows what, you will feel so much more hurt because you will still be attached.

I've accepted that my ex fiancé may wind up dead or in jail because of her behavior. She may never decide to change. She may never understand the gift I gave her by leaving and telling her why I left. The good thing about letting go is that I can't be held responsible for her self destruction. If she died while we were together, I probably would have had so much guilt and thought, "What if I had just kept her home that night? What if I had just yelled at her and told her not to go out drinking? What if I had somehow been able to prevent her from killing herself with drugs?"

It's a lot easier to pull someone down into a chair than it is to pull them out of it. He has to do it himself. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you certainly can't cure it. The only way you can help is to help yourself.
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