View Single Post
Old 05-19-2015, 10:18 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Aellyce
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Bob, I'm glad you're here today and that no one was hurt.

Last time I was drunk was like many other times: I loaded myself with vodka lying in bed with the computer. I vividly remember the desperation: kind of decided that I wanted to quit for good about a month prior, but could not stop. I was contemplating killing myself that day. Instead, I impulsively decided to sign in here and post a thread asking people on SR how to stop... Quickly got a lot of responses, and I decided that this time I'll listen to whatever people tell me to do. Somehow I did not even feel like finishing my vodka, so I actually did not get as drunk that day as I would have.

I did almost all of my alcoholic drinking at home or in hotel rooms, but the last time I was out drunk in public (years before I got sober), I got mugged on the street in a city where almost no one walks outside. I was so scared and confused that I mindlessly ran into the first building and and knocked on the first door, no memory at all what was on my mind. There happened to be two very kind and helpful girls in that apartment, who called the police... I vaguely remember answering the cops' questions but somehow they did not notice I was intoxicated, or did not care. Then I went home, had to get my door unlocked because my keys were stolen, canceled my credit cards, and got into the vodka again. I guess this incident traumatized me enough to not get out drunk later, but of course it just progressed more rapidly hiding. For me, that hiding was the most devastating part: in the worst times, I was living in totally unfurnished apartments, my stuff in boxes, only had a mattress to sleep, surrounded by empty bottles and dirt. Not because of financial problems, I did not care. Once the lights in my bathroom broke and I never got the building maintenance to fix it for a year because I was ashamed about the condition I lived in but not enough to change it. It often also held me back from killing myself: I did not want people dear to me to learn about my secret life. Very surreal now.
Aellyce is offline