Morning all,
Monday morning and the start of day forty two. I am at work already and the sun is not even out yet - anything to beat the traffic these days.
Physically I am a little tired. I thought I would sleep well last night, it was not to be. I battled to get to sleep. No position was comfortable. I kept getting these little waves of anxiety that just pull you back from the threshold of sleep. I am not sure what that is. I woke with a headache. It is not so sharp, but enough to make me take something for it. On a positive - I am famished this morning.
Mentally I am good. I am reading voraciously. I am not reading the self help and motivational stuff. I think I am saturated on that. I am rather reading the sort of stuff that I enjoy. If you ever want to know about all those horrible little wars fought all around the world, the people and their stories behind what really happened, check out Al J Venter. This guy has one big pair of cajones (not sure if that is the right word).
Emotionally I am fine. I wanted to think about how to describe yesterday without bias. So I slept on it. My wife did come round yesterday. Unfortunately we did not get to talk as her sister was with her. This makes any sort of personal conversation awkward. It was not as painful as I expected. I think she was more uncomfortable than me. I was calm. Sobriety helps. Of course I thought about my wife and us for the rest of the day and evening, but it was not as crippling as the past few weeks.
My SIL is in AA and wanted to know what plan I am following. I wanted to say - mine. Then I thought how would I explain that I took what works for me and discarded the rest, so I just bit my tongue and said none.
On a positive, they seemed to be impressed with the renovations and changes I have made. There was a trying moment when SIL asked me why did I not do this sooner. I had to bite my tongue again. How could I tell her - your sister did not trust my judgement or your sister would not let me?
Well we are in for a cold week. The weatherman reckons that we are going to be down into the single figure temperatures by the end of the week. Unfortunately I cannot work from home as I need interaction for everything I need to complete this week. But, I will have a cosy house waiting for me every evening - the fire burns 24/7.
Time for a smoke and coffee.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB