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Old 05-17-2015, 06:50 PM
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philly76
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 179
Feelings of Hopelessness

I feel like I'm chasing unicorns when I post on here. I know I want to get clean but I keep finding excuses to fail. One thing that really helped me over the past year was the gym. I had my ups and downs with sobriety, but making myself work out gave me my best days.

Unfortunately, finding a job after a year of unemployment came with the good and the bad. The paycheck was nice, but not being able to work out at 2pm pushed me into the crowded post 5pm hours. I joined my company's gym, which absolutely sucks. Not only do I feel weird working out with coworkers, but it's small, there's no squat rack, and it's mostly cardio equipment. I like to grunt, sweat, and push myself, and I can't do that there.

Today I rejoined my old gym. I really want to take some classes there too, which I've never done before. I also joined a nonprofit fitness group. I was hesitant at first because it's really geared towards in-need people struggling with stuff. But if I can swallow my pride, I can accept the fact that I'm exactly one of those people. I know I've said on here that I'm studying for my personal trainer certification, but I'd love to maybe eventually volunteer with that group to help others overcome addiction or whatever through fitness.

As it is, I'm nowhere near that. I hate myself for it, but I can't break the vicious cycle. I feel like when it comes to addiction you need to want to overcome it. I really want to but I always find a reason to drink. It's annoying. When I didn't think about my problem, the notion of sobriety didn't seem like a big deal. Now that I want to be sober, it feels hopeless.
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