Big topic alright. I see that a lot here can relate and that's reassuring. I'm in a similar boat as you ArtFriend, it's a very confusing one for me.
It's not something that I haven't done countless times before either, some questions are: how do you forgive people who never apologized?
Who never acknowledged what they did, let alone ask forgiveness. Somebody said it is about forgiving yourself but I am even worse at that.