I relapsed everytime I thought I could be moderate. I would go a good length of time with no alcohol, and then would tell myself - one glass of wine. Which led to the second etc.... benders that lasted months.
Nothing seems to work except to keep saying no each day.
I suffer from the same as many - the idea that I'll never drink again. So I don't focus on that thought. I simply focus on today. I will not drink today. That's it. That one thought shift has caused me to experience the most joyous sobriety of my life. It means I don't project the future EVER. If I do, I suspect it would make me more likely to pick up again.
The idea of NEVER doing anything again is enough to make any of us batty. That is why AA is always talking about today. Focus on today. Today you will not drink. Today you will enjoy your life and your body.