Thread: I got a job!!
View Single Post
Old 05-16-2015, 07:15 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
lizatola
Member
 
lizatola's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Originally Posted by Duckygirl1 View Post
Well done, that is too awesome! A job with such benefits is a real blessing. Can't wait to get to the point of dating!
Ha! Well, the dating stuff brings it's own challenges and you really have to detach and practice serious acceptance of people and situations, etc. Guy I'm dating is so laid back and carefree, nothing bothers him and everything rolls off his back. You can't get him riled up even if you try and there are times when I want to provoke him to see how he'll respond or say something that I think he should have a different response to (can you say manipulation on my part)....hmmm, something like what the alcoholic does to me, right? I have to watch myself and check my motives before words come out of my mouth. I want to point out that I have not actually done these things: but the thoughts and patterns cross my brain and I have to stop, just stop myself and regroup and let things go.

That is part of my recovery: learning how to let people be who they are, letting go of expectations, enjoying living in the day and not focusing on the future and what may or may not happen, etc.

New guy and I were discussing a story about one of my friends and I was telling him how she was upset and I felt that she was justified in her feelings. His response was: "that wouldn't bother me at all, I don't know why she is taking this so personal and getting worked up." My first thought was that he was incapable of emotion, LOL, but I know that's not true. It was just his perception of the story and really, he didn't know the whole story nor does he know my friend, etc. I had to let it go and not engage and just accept that he will handle things differently; not just because he's a guy, but because his life experiences and perspective on life events will be different than mine. Serious work on acceptance and then also making sure I know what is acceptable behavior or unacceptable behavior to ME. And, so far, new guy has no unacceptable behavior; I'm just trying to get used to spending time with someone who's so laid back and calm because it's so very different from the constant twisted engaging I had with sick boyfriends and the X in the past.

Anyway, that's my book on newly dating and trying to navigate the waters in a healthy way instead of a codependent sick way, LOL!
lizatola is offline