I completely agree with what Dee and Robby said. Also, it sounds like it's been a profound and valuable experience for you full of lessons and insights -- so not such a bad outcome after all?
One more thing: maybe I'm wrong but from your story, it sounds like the work policy you got into conflict with, even if only you care about it right now, might come back and potentially cause (at least) dilemmas and discomfort also in the future... If so, perhaps it would be a good idea to discuss it with the relevant people in the appropriate way, sooner rather than later, to avoid having to "work around it" again? Probably the reaction of your colleagues (blind eye to what happened) shows that it's far from being your problem alone, and you are absolutely not the only one who attempted to ignore it? In that case, perhaps it might actually be very helpful and progressive to bring it up openly and, if possible, find a workable compromise/solution? Reform?
In any case, I totally relate to the years of slowly but surely accumulating overload and then irresponsible behaviors preceding the take off of my alcoholism in the past. Not the same ways and attitudes you are describing, maybe because I wasn't in such a high profile position back then, but I definitely burned myself out pretty effectively trying to meet my own, often unrealistic, standards. I thought about this many times in sobriety and analyzed it in a million different ways, but it's basically the same lesson and conclusion: I will never attempt to stress myself constantly that way again and to ignore my well being in such a habitual way. Never, for anything, there is nothing that could be worth it and I know now how dangerous it is.
Btw, the kinds of things you described for your past... well, I see those all the time in my profession. Not saying this to put it in any lighter context, just that I think it's very common in certain professional fields, circuits, and levels. But you know what: I think if we want to make precedent and show others how to do real quality work that is also feasible and sustainable, one great thing to show as an example is how to live a more balanced, realistic, humane lifestyle -- both at work and outside. What Dee and Robby said.
Being vulnerable is not a bad thing at all... why is it so hard for some of us to accept this permanently?!
