Day 39 today. Went to a lunch time meeting today and spoke for one of the first times. A chap came over to me at the end and asked if I wanted a temporary sponser to start working the steps. I said no and thanked him for the offer...to be honest ive no idea how you "work the steps" when you dont really believe some of the main points....i dont believe im powerless as I have the power to stop and have and I dont believe in god. I know people say its not religeous but 5 of the steps refer to "him" "god" or "prayer". im really trying with AA and really enjoy the time with people I dont have to hide myself and my defects from, but I must admit after tonight I feel like a bit of a failure and pretty deflated. I want to give my all to sobriety but cant get on board with AA like people say I need to and I feel if I force it on myself it might do more harm than good.
On a better note ive just come in from a 10 mile run which I completed in 68 mins. The runners among us will know just how good a long, fast run like that feels.