Originally Posted by
biminiblue 
Z, I find my anger really takes hold when there is something that needs to be done about a situation. I can understand that you've made huge changes, quit drinking, remodeled your home (and it sounded like you were at least trying to honor your wife's taste in so doing...) and yet, I'm assuming there is no change in your relationship. I hope you will not act in anger, but obviously some discussion is necessary. Or maybe you don't want to discuss this here. If so, apologies.
Ta BB, no apologies needed. This thread is about honesty after all.
My wife and I are still separated. Today is three weeks since I last heard from her. I won't contact her until she contacts me etc etc etc. The anger comes in when I get these little surprises that pop out of the blue. Today was a new one - she stopped paying the domestic and I must now pay. The first I hear from is the domestic. The other day was the garden service. It is rather annoying and petty. Maybe downright childish. Especially as it is a buildup of bills.
I will not act in anger, you are very right there. I have my timeframe and I am sticking to it. She may throw whatever childish shite at me - but I am bigger than that. I have been through far worse in life. Suicide in the family, my own drug addiction, booze, retrenchment - you name it. I am a way stronger person than many people think. The problem is I do not act in haste, but when I do - nothing will change my mind, because by then I have thought it through very thoroughly indeed.
The reality of the matter is that it is not only the booze that landed us here, but her own selfishness. Every spare moment she had would be spent on someone else. Never mind her long work hours. Time for everyone else but me. The other issue with this is that I now have to fight everyone else's opinions at the same time. Why ask me what I think when you have already asked everyone else? Especially when you want to use everyone else's opinion to argue with me. This in turn led to me pulling into myself more and more and drinking the anger and pain away.
My memory is not that fried and now I am sober. So there is no crutch to hide behind and I have to deal with it. The frustration is that I am honoring her request of finding herself in an adult manner, but I am getting this childish behavior in return.
Not that you wanted that much of a discussion, but I don't have anything to hide.
Cheers,
ZAB