JaneLane

Hi guys

I had a drink this lunchtime. The thing that annoys me is how clear the reasons for it are, after the event.

I had a decent morning, then I was out with a few old friends and my mum called me, informed me how useless I was and that I should be ashamed of myself in comparison to my brother...and I went right back and drank.

Something I'm realising from this situation is that I *always* take things out on myself. Prior to drinking, I self-harmed, then it turned into drinking. It just sucks how I turn to abusing myself rather than asserting myself and saying, "This isn't okay, you have no right to speak to me like this".

I had one drink and so tomorrow will be day one. I'm disappointed about my lack of sobriety but I'm mostly angry at the fact that people who I support SO much just treat me like crap and talk to me like I'm nothing. I don't value self-preservation. And I wish I put myself first.

I just wanted to get this out and be accountable. I'm at a meeting tonight and I hope they are prepared for a rant :-)