Dia duit Strat,
This book helped me greatly to deal with an invalidating mother many years ago. It allowed me to recognise the "game" that was going on, realise that it wasn't even conscious from the other person most of the time and gave me the "keys" to deal with the game and not get sucked into the other person's drama. Or at least when I did (get sucked in) I was able to recognise it for what it was after and see how I could have dealt with it in a more productive manner.
Nasty People by Jay Carter
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Nasty-People...r+nasty+people
Then there's the classic "The games people play by Eric Berne"
Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships: Amazon.co.uk: Eric Berne: 9780141040271: Books
One thing I'm learning lately, but admttedley have not 100% mastered is the following: There is no objective reality. Reality is subjective. If it's raining, the rain in itself is arbituary, it's neither good nor bad, it just is. However, some people will go around saying "terrible day", "awful weather", whereas others may say "fantastic bit of rain for the crops", "great weather for kayaking". "plants need water". Who is right or wrong? They're just different realities. What's the point? Everyone carries their personal philosophies and realities around with them. You could say their 'personal frame'. It's important for me that I stay grounded in my own frame. I had an argument with an ex a while ago.....and really it wasn't an argument. She got all annoyed and critical because I left a towel on her sofa instead of putting it back in the bathroom. She was getting all angry and speaking to me like as if she was my mother....that was her frame. In place of keeping my own frame (positive and fun) I allowed myself to be sucked into her frame. I entered her reality instead of staying grounded in my own. She was acting like a bratty little kid and that's how serious I should have taken her.
It would have ended up that no big deal was made out of it. Maybe she was testing me unconciously as they do.
I have to decide what my frame is.....positive? fun? water off a duck's back? ball buster? ....and stay grounded in my own frame.