Yeah, I think the paranoia over what got said/done while under the influence gets worse and worse. In my late teens/early 20s, it bothered me, but nowhere close enough to get me to think about quitting. Maybe quitting for a week or something, but not permanently. As I moved to my mid/late 20s, those feelings just got worse and worse as I realized I wasn't being a responsible adult at all by drinking to the point where I blacked out.
I think the fact that you relapsed two consecutive weekends and it got out of control both times is a pretty clear indication that you, like most people on SR, don't have that off switch.
And to Runner's point, I think you'll find more success if you don't blame others for pressuring you or blaming the situation. I know when I've screwed up, it ultimately was deliberate. Maybe not planned out well in advanced, but it was always eventually a conscious decision of "fu(k it, I'm going to drink."
It's good you are back on here. Last summer after I built up some sober time, I iust left this place altogether after first drinking again and then within about two months with some limited success at moderating, I was right back into my same bad habits and just hating myself for it.