The shoot was yesterday. It was interesting and the crew was amazing. We are getting really excited to fly out tomorrow . . . and nervous. Brianna and I hate flying. Luckily, we have short flights.
What I have realized is that I am being handed a beautiful opportunity that could possibly change my life. Once we are home, the changes are in my hands. The ability to change my life has always been in my hands.
I am not a victim of circumstances. Yes, bad things have happened beyond my control. But the reaction and subsequent actions were always my responsibility. My commitment to sobriety is even stronger.
One thing I'm trying to sort is out is a thought (a fear?) I've had; trying to determine if it's my own fears or the AV.
"If you get a car, what if you relapse and drink and drive? You'll love everything. You're not that strong yet"
I believe it's most likely AV and it firms up my commitment even more. I've always had a lot to lose; I have even more now.
I'm happy I'm in counseling now so I have somewhere to work out these thoughts instead of figuring it all out by myself.
Anyway, today's been hectic already and it's not even 9 a.m. Youngest woke up with a rash all over her face: poison ivy. A quick run to the doctor for a shot and then store for medicine and she should be okay. Now, I'm finally relaxing for a bit with some coffee before preparing for tomorrow.
I'm still sober. Still working my plan. Just breathing in and out and taking it moment by moment.