Hopefully you will learn from this! If so it wasn't a waste. I feel you need to jealously guard your sobriety. I quit drinking over 2 & 1/2 years ago, and I'm very mindful of how long I drank before that (around 25 years). Quitting wasn't "luck" but it took some good fortune to reach this point. I managed to quit once, but there's no guarantee that I'd find my way back if I go out again.
There are so many theories to alcoholism and so many approaches to getting sober. It can make your head spin! Some feel that you drink to balm some inner wound or to salve some inner character flaw. Some feel you can't stay sober until you "fix" whatever it was inside you that lead you to drink in the first place.
It's a lot simpler to me. I drank because I enjoyed it, a lot. For whatever reason I have a genetic predisposition, a peculiar brain chemistry that gets more elation from being drunk than you average person, etc etc. I could tell the first time I ever caught a buzz that I'd stumbled onto something amazing.
To me I liked being drunk more than I feared the consequences. AVRT saved my life! It showed me that there were other opinions besides the old disease model of alcoholism. It holds that we drink because we confuse the pleasure seeking part of our brains with the higher function, and take the voice of The Beast to be our own.
What method are you using to stay sober? I hope not "white knuckling" or just willpower. I think a plan would help you a lot. Again, my method is AVRT. It has taught me to instantly recognize that voice in the back of my mind craving a drink for what it is, and what it's not.
Hopefully you're not too discouraged. A slip up isn't "nothing" but neither is it the end of the world. Be careful but don't give up!
