Hi Art
What a great thread
I'm sorry that you are hurting reminiscing about your Mom but talking about her is probably a good thing for you. And for a bunch of us here as well.
As for my own Mom... well I don't know about those characters in the poll much, but she was a troubled, sad person. With a very difficult childhood to start with... her parents had 3 kids and gave all of them away to three different foster families when they were little. Their father was an alcoholic and their mother was very sickly, based on the little I heard, both physically and mentally. I never met any of these grandparents. My mom was always very shy and reserved throughout her life, no one really knew much about her, and most of what I know now is info my dad gave me when I was already an adult and no longer living with them. I think my mom suffered with depression in her whole life, but no one (including herself) really recognized this as such, so never got any help. She also had lots of physical health issues. Had to take a lot of prescription meds as far as I remember, and she abused some of them. Because of her own history, I think she desperately craved love and belonging... but sadly, I don't think she had ever found it even in her family with my dad and myself. I know that she wanted me very much though and struggled a lot with keeping a pregnancy, which was only successful after 16 years of trying (also after a new baby who died, who would have been my sister). This is why I'm an only child.
I never really understood her when I was a kid and we never had much of a relationship, although I know it full well this was in part my fault and failure to get through to her -- something I would do completely differently now had I been given a chance. Sadly, she also had very dyfunctional, and actually dangerous ways of expressing her love and nurturing: mostly by feeding us -- the more the better. This led to some serious problems in my own life, but I'm not getting into that now. It took me a long time and processing to finally come to true understanding and peace with her, and all that happened after her passing, unfortunately.
What was good though for her in her older years though is that she managed to find company and make friends with a few women her age and with similar personalities, through her Church community. I met a few of these women for the first time at her funeral...
The other thing I'm happy about now is that I've managed to mentally transform our history and my perception of her very significantly, in a way that seems to be lasting (as I said, mostly after her death), such that I do not carry any resentment or regret anymore. Sometimes I feel it would be so nice to meet her again now, the "her" she was when I left the country, let her know I see her and love her now, have some nostalgic moments and open myself up to her so that she would also understand who I am... I don't often have such thoughts, and when I do, at this point they are rather healing for me. When I visit my father now, we usually take a couple hours to go to her grave and then light a candle for her in the evening. Again, I find solace in these things now.
I have read your other posts about your mom also... it's wonderful the relationship the two of you had, something very precious that, I think, can affect us for a lifetime. It's inevitable that love hurts... I have something somewhat similar with my father (who is alive).
Thanks for this thread, Art, I really enjoyed sharing. I wish you happy bittersweet memories for this Mother's Day and every one!