Hi and welcome.
You probably won’t like some needed advice you get so I’ll start by strongly suggesting going to a detox/rehab and seeking medical help because you’re at a dangerous place.
Stay as much on this site and read a lot of posts to see and understand what you are facing.
I needed the help of the people in AA which has helped millions to recover from this disease called alcoholism which is powerful, cunning, baffling and very progressive.
BE WELL