I thought I was dying one night and probably should have called 911, but I took a couple of aspirin with a pint of water and went back to bed.
I ordered The Mindfulness Workbook for Addiction and worked it. Then I kept reading and meditating mostly just trying to ride the anxiety waves and the intensity of waking up emotionally. It was terrifying.
My fourth month was hell, and I think it was because I quit meditating and I kind of took my eye off the ball. Once I started meditating again I balanced out some.
It wasn't until about six months that I trusted myself not to drink, but I was still working on self-compassion and acceptance.
I was a binge drinker, and maintenance alcoholic. For the most part I could turn that on and off, but near the end I was losing control. I think I could probably fool myself into doing what thomas11 is doing, but my history suggests I will eventually lose at that game. I did that many times. I could be moderate for a few months at a time, and then I would go overboard, and that would lead to a series of binges...
Maybe thomas11 is solid and it will work for him in the long run. When I start thinking I could do the same thing I attribute it to my AV trying to convince me I wasn't that bad and could handle it now because I'm deeper into recovery. Ha! Why risk my recovery?
Here's a question, though: If there is such a thing as recovery (meaning recovery as a destination rather than a process), would that not suggest the person who has recovered could go back to using moderately? I mean, they've recovered, right? Not an addict anymore...
I think recovery is a process not a goal. It's my avocation from now til I die.