I'm not really productive at work given that my morale has been shot. With all the changes, my job has changed. It's like getting a new job and not asking for it. So I get stuff that needs to be done. I could write a novel about the injustice of it all but how boring for everyone.
So I'm struggling with new class. Always - need to come up with an idea to make a business plan. Well I really don't care to ever start a business, own a business, buy a business or be a boss. It's not for me. I also lack a passion for any kind of hobby, sport, craft, books, games, nothing. I like things - like this and that, but I don't concentrate on anything. So when I keep reading advice, pick something your passionate about - I'm like NOTHING! HAHA! How can I make money off that? Oh I don't care -- can't write a paper about not caring.
So it's group and I hope someone with a passionate idea happens and I'll do the research/numbers. Now that I'm good at. Structure. I need structure.
I'm not cravings tonight but I'm feeling bored. I had a health screen today, my numbers are amazing still. Thankyou getting healthy and sober. Blood pressure is still on low side, but OK. I'm confident it was drinking. I don't feel worried about stroking while on a walk now. I will when I'm older, but not during hangovers.
I feel like I have nothing but stress to look forward too. I can't think of ideas for the senior project, meeting the group tomorrow. I've been brainstorming over a week and doing internet searches. Nothing.
Then I have to do classwork every Sat. So Friday nights are like, yes, escape from whatever crap is going on at work right now, but a different craps for school.
I keep thinking and I quit drinking now? Honestly not as much as I thought I would. Seems to creep in on the ride home, but then I get home, it's gone. I know it won't help. I won't get inspired, or think work is magically OK. I'll probably just worry more, get sick and then have crappy mornings and forgetful nights.
Sorry - I talk a lot sometimes in these posts. Ok, well happy sober Friday! I hope to report that someone did have a magic idea tomorrow, if not, we 4 are stuck in a room together, and that MUST be done. So I can start the stuff I know how to do, research, get numbers and get cracking and not feel so lost.