Paid, I'll reiterate that NO ONE is a lost cause!
You know what it takes to succeed in beating this. You have all of the tools... you have made it 3 months. You just need to alter your plan, adjust your thinking for long term results. Let's break down your thoughts a bit...
Yet I can't help it, the urges are too strong. ... We are alcoholics. These urges are strong but beatable. You can't give your AV any room for entry. Once you start communicating with your AV, the battle is lost... Get your mind off of that communication as soon as it starts. Divert your attention, get on SR, go for a walk, bike ride, shopping... what ever you need to do to let the urge pass.
I can be happy for a while, but then I always get sad and give up on things, allowing the cravings to take over. ... I don't know about you but I am much happier being sober than I ever was when I was drinking heavily. Don't let your AV convince you that the grass is greener when you are drinking... obviously it is not, otherwise you would not be trying to quit. Stay strong and remember the reasons that you are quitting in the first place.
I just get too depressed, to think and get jealous of people when they're drunk and pleasant. ... That's your AV talking again. In my opinion, there is nothing to be jealous of. Those people can either handle having a few drinks and call it a night or are in the same boat that we are in. If you are like me and most everyone at SR, we can't handle just a few drinks. You have to realize that a few leads to more and more and more until we self destruct... That's why you are quitting I am guessing.
I just feel like a waste of space now, like I'm not worth to see another day. I'm so far away from my former-self and long to find that person again. ... Don't beat your self up anymore. You are worth it, not a waste of space and CAN get your old self back again. You have the power to get YOU back.
It is totally up to you. We have all fallen and get back up again. You have to make some hard decisions in your mind. Quit comparing yourself to others. That never works, in any of life's situations. Concentrate on you and your sobriety. The rest will fall into place.
You are stronger than your excuses!! Use this as motivation to get the YOU back that you deserve.
We are here to help. Stay strong.