I am almost two months sober. I was drinking vodka. I would start as soon as I got up and continue until I went to bed. I lost at least four people in the past two years to alcoholism. An ex husband who died at the age of 49. Someone I didn't even know was an alcoholic who isolated himself, like me. He was dead for two weeks in his apartment before the smell called attention to him. Two others took their own lives. Admission is the first step. Bravo for admitting this. It is not easy. I have tried and failed before. I go to AA when I can. I am a fulltime caregiver of my parents so I am at home in my old room a lot. That is one reason I am here. Keeping your mind busy is key. I am no expert for sure. All I can advise is keep talking to others like yourself. This is a daily thing.