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Old 05-06-2015, 10:37 PM
  # 267 (permalink)  
ZaBoozer
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Morning all,

So I am at the start of day thirty one. One whole month. More on this later, first to business.

Physically, I am good this morning. I did wake up during the night, but it was easy enough to get back to sleep. I woke with a splitting headache, but have since taken something for it. The numbness of the cheek is back this morning, but it is so slight. My complexion is also clearing up nicely. The skin blotches are almost gone. My muscles feel good, so it will be exercise for me today.

Mentally I am good. I don't have much planned for the day. There is some trade fair going on. I will try to visit it later in the day. It is always good to see the suppliers and to review what new technology they are bringing to the market.

Emotionally, I am ok. I hope today will be more stable than yesterday. I know that a lot of what I am going through is as a direct cause of the unresolved issues with my wife. Unfortunately we are in a state of limbo now where either one is to proud or to stubborn to contact the other. So the left hand does not know what the right hand is up to and visa versa. The down side to this is that I have never dealt with a situation like this sober. The upside is that I will have to learn. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

Today, one whole month ago that I stopped drinking. It seems like so long ago, but yet it is like yesterday. The time has flown in some ways. I stopped one month after my thirty ninth birthday and today is one day short of two months since my wife moved out. In other ways it has dragged out and weighs heavily on my mind almost each waking minute.

To be honest, some things about stopping were none starters to me. I did not get a physical craving to drink at all. Other things though, really got me down. This I attribute to the AV. The things that really weighed me down were the things that tempted me to drink. I have seen this in other posts here on this forum. The factors that are mostly weighing down on people, especially those of us in this early stage, are those of HALT. I have to add to this and include arrogance. This is something I really need to guard against. It is one thing to be quietly confident, but totally another thing to think - Hey, look at me, I have got this thing beaten.

I have written about this before. We can almost see it in a post when someone is about to relapse. I went back and read yesterday mornings post and those leading up to it - yes you guessed it. Arrogance. Close call. Not only the arrogance of "having it under control" but the self pity to drink my emotional problems away. I have to be very wary now. If I am not, the burden can become too much and topple the scales. I cannot hide from things anymore. I now have to deal with them as they arise. I must face them full on in the knowledge that if I don't - the accumulated effect will be too much to handle.

The season is starting to change quicker this side. The mornings and evenings are getting very chilly. I have ordered a new fire place - one of those multi fuel closed combustion stoves that are so popular in Europe and the US. I will change it out with the one upstairs which is an open fireplace. I like the idea of fire burning through the night without having to get up and top it up.

This time of year marks the start of the trail running season. We are very lucky here in SA in that a lot of a trail runs are through very scenic countryside. There are even wild animals along the way. Not lions and things, but rather giraffe and those sort of animals. It really is stunning to be able to run in that sort of environment and I am looking forward to doing it without a hangover.

Be safe and be strong.

Cheers,

ZAB.
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