Originally Posted by
Soberween 
My descent into alcoholism was quite similar to your wife's experience. I wasn't some drunk slurring and stumbling around the house... but it was the steady chipping away of my integrity and dignity that was so upsetting to my husband. As we all know, alcoholism is a progressive disease and it was only going to get worse if I didn't get it under control (complete abstinence). I always say this, but these words stuck. High functioning isn't a TYPE of alcoholism, it is a STAGE of alcoholism. It's chronic, progressive and fatal.
My husband wasn't mean or accusatory, he offered to help me anyway possible. He was never much of a drinker, but he completely abstained and I didn't think that would matter, but it helped immensely... I'm certain your wife is hating living the way she is with the sneaking, procuring, planning, etc. that goes in to drinking daily. It's exhausting and I was miserable doing it and I'm so glad that is no longer how I live.
Thanks so much for the personal insight and encouragement. I am sad to admit that I have not been very "understanding", especially after finding the sneaking and seeing it go on and on and on... When she lashes out at me in personal and degrading ways, I have shot back with phrases that essentially communicate, "Oh yeah? Well you're a damn drunk!". This in the heat of intense verbal battles than I admittedly get drawn into all too easily. Now, b/c of all that's happened and been said, I can't even raise the topic w/o starting a fight - although I will try today, in part doing my best to emulate your husband's approach.
If I may be so bold: I hope you appreciate how your husband handled it with you and for you. Better man that I, in that regard. Don't let him go - he is stronger than me and many I know insofar as patience and understanding. I'm happy for you and your example as a couple and your recovery is an inspiration. I only hope things can work out for me even a fraction as well as they appear to have worked out for you.
Stay strong and never hesitate to congratulate yourself
And thank you!