back but not new
I fail to remember my old login. Sadly, but im taking this as a sign from my higher power that this is a fresh new start, to correct my thinking and actions to keep me sober. My last drink was on January 3rd 2015. Prior I had 18 months sober, better said dry drunk. I failed to work on me. I changed everything but myself and well we all know the rest. During my first months of sobriety I was in jail on a violation from drinking. My mind was set on drinking again those first few weeks. Then the cloud started to float away and reality kicked in. Hard cold truths. Much needed. One of mystery fears is what if I cant I must stop this what if mentality. Its what got me drinking again in the first place. I fully accept and admit I can not do this alone. A hard concept for me to take in as I fully am an independent person, which I am working on daily, allowing myself to be ok with help. Luckly this time I didnt lose it all but I lost alot. Mostly I lost emotionally. The pain is unbearable but I work through it daily. I have gained alot back I never exxpected, my ex husband, amazing man and support, have decided to work on repairing us. I left no real reason but to run from life. Eben through my drinking while divorced he was always trying to guide me back to reality. My step daughter whom I adore highly is still apart of my life. Thanks to them my home trucks and legal issues both im victem and my personal is all on the right path and safe. I still need help. I need step help, my husband is a great support and highly understandable about my problem, which helps, but I also need you all.