Looking for some insight here.....
Day 14 for me today, and my emotions, thoughts, and feelings are pouring out of me today. I am journaling everything that pops up in my mind today about my addiction. Everything from my mother’s own addiction, my family, my boredom, my life, being an adult child of an alcoholic you name it. It’s good to get everything out, and on paper so that I can start dealing with everything with a clear head.
One thing has been bothering me since last night and I have to get some insight from everyone who can relate. Yesterday, my husband came home in a bitch of a mood. It happens a lot actually, he just barges in and barks orders at everyone, demanding this that and everything. Most times, he is disrupting a perfectly calm and serine evening that I am having with the kids. Last night, I was putzing around the kitchen, prepping dinner and the kids were in and out, doing whatever kids do, and we were just having a normal evening, until the grouch barged in. His bad mood permeates the house and the kids start bickering at one another due to the stress. I can see how it effects the kids, but I SAW how it effects ME for the first time without brain fog.
I fought back, which obviously didn’t help the situation.
My immediate thought was to grab a drink. Instead, I poured myself a non-alcoholic beer and clamato and sat outside and bbq’d our dinner, leaving him to sulk or whatever he does in front of the tv.
It’s not just about hiding behind the bottle, but when I did drink after a situation like this with the grouch, it was more of the self-defeating mentality of, “Ya, I’ll show you!” What is this all about?! It is something I need to work on, but I don’t even know where to start.