i agree with the theory that you aren't constantly relapsing....you have just change your cycle of using. somewhere in your head you are still giving yourself permission to drink/use. you haven't shut the door completely. you keep the back door propped open.
the only comment i'm going to make regarding what you have shared of your experience with AA, is that I suspect you didn't fully surrender to the concepts of powerlessness and unmanageability, and you did not full give yourself over to working the steps at the full measure of honesty. DOING the steps sounds like a chore, or unpleasant task like DOING laundry....WORKING the steps is an entirely different process.
anywho, are you fully ready NOW to commit to not using again EVER under any circumstances? cuz that is what it is going to take. no excuses, no reservations, no holding out.