Originally Posted by
Mrrryah1 
I've gotten to the point where I KNEW to my very core that I was done drinking. I had surrendered, I wanted sobriety more than anything. In that moment I would have done anything asked of me. But the problem is - that moment passed and new moments arrived and my brain started thinking differently. The old thoughts and romanticizing of the bottle start occurring. I can shut them out for a while, but over time they become stronger. The less attractive AA and sobriety starts looking. And I change my mind. Simple as that, I decide I want to drink. And sure, at that point I can pick up the phone, call people, pray, whatever (and I have done all these things) but the fact is if I WANT to drink, nothing is really gonna get in my way.
And needless to say, it never goes well, bad sh*t happens, and I come out the other side with a desperation to stay sober, whatever it takes. On, and on, and on, and on.
For me, I just got tired of the entire cycle of drinking, feeling crummy and then trying to get sober again. It is easier to stay out of the cycle and not drink than it is to be in that cycle. With my last relapse (almost 6 months ago), several hours of drunkenness when compared to two weeks worth of terrible cravings was just not worth it for me. I don't want to have to go through that ever again.