It's Monday. I looked in the mirror this morning and noticed how clear my eyes looked, how much better my face is looking. I'm coming up on two weeks. I'm a bit emotional. That's the longest stretch of sobriety I've had in a while.
They mean more because I had situations this weekend where I could have slipped but didn't. I was reminded not to get too full of myself or overcome by ego, but to remember that this is still WORK. 2 weeks is great; 2 weeks is a drop in the bucket.
There are situations I cannot put myself in. There are people I cannot talk to. There are thoughts I cannot allow to linger.
One thought that keeps coming up is related to my birthday. It's in a little under 3 months. The BIG 3-9, good bye to 30's. I had a big girl's night out planned. Now, I'm not doing that. It keeps coming into my thoughts: "You'll have this much sobriety time. You'll be fine. One night. Then stop again"
I follow this with "Why in the world would I give in after having so much time, feeling amazing, really starting to heal, for one night of drinks?? NO!"
Then I feel a bit of sadness. I'm learning that's normal. But those are the thoughts I cannot entertain. I cannot allow myself to thin I can have a hall pass for a night of drinking and resume sobriety the next day. That's not recovery and I want recovery.
I want a cigarette badly today. I'm relying on Urge surfing and reminding myself that I quit before. I know what to expect. I can do this. I'm trying to justify: "You've quit drinking. You can't be expected to do it all. You'll stop smoking again down the road"
Except down the road is too far away. I don't want to be trapped in that cycle again.
So, Happy Monday. I have a busy day/week planned. I'm excited to be coming up on 2 weeks.