Welcome. You have come to the right place for support. Have you ever been in counseling? Maybe this is something you need professional help with. I promise you suicide is not the answer. You have a purpose in life, and killing yourself will only hurt people who love you. I was a drug addict, and alcoholic for over a decade, and I am only 26. But I have been clean off of drugs for over 2 years now. I have only been sober from alcohol for 15 days, but it is a start. It is possible to do. You have to commit fully to quitting though. I do understand what you are going through, and if you need to talk please feel free to message me.