Calicofish

Today will be 69 days since this little fish wiggled off the hook of alcohol.

I've made some major changes in my life - I left a miserable marriage of 28 years. I literally packed up my own personal possessions, rented a u-haul and moved over 3,000 kms. I started a new life in a town where no one knows me. I rented a place in a lovely community. I joined the theatre guild, auditioned for a part in the play and got a role. I got a job. I threw myself into this new community.

Has it been easy? No. I'm lonely because I do not know anyone, and it's difficult to make new friends. I'm trying and many evenings I am alone in my little place and it would be so easy to go and buy some booze to help with the loneliness. What do I do? Well, I know that if I do that, it will be a temporary "remedy" and the next day I will wake up feeling like crap and the cycle will start again. I make sure I make my bed every morning and make sure the kitchen is clean before I go to bed. Two little things - but those are important.

I am also getting back into my music and practicing my guitar. Youtube is full of lessons and there's no excuse not to learn a new tune and finger picking styles.

During this journey, I had to say goodbye to my old dog - I did it, without turning to a bottle. It was hard. I sobbed and I miss her so much.

I made a list of all the things that drinking does to me:
High blood pressure
Bloated
Weight gain
Red, blotchy skin
Memory loss
Saying stupid things
Anxiety
Heart palpitations
Wicked hangovers

None of those things are good things.

Any time the urge to drink comes on I remember those things, plus what it will be like the next morning - feeling like death and having no motivation. The depression.

Things are starting to look more positive and life is getting better. Last night I walked down to the beach and watched the most glorious sunset.

To those who are struggling - my best advice is to get into new habits that do not involve drinking. Join something that takes you out of yourself. Learn to play a musical instrument, for example. Go buy some art supplies and splash paint around - who cares if you're good, just do it.

Don't wallow in self pity and whine about how life has handed you a raw deal. You have the power inside you. Make your little changes and build upon your strength.

Is it scary? You bet. But being sober unlocks opportunities. They may seem small and insignificant at first, but build upon them. You only have one life - make it count. I am.

Peace!