Sober!
Getting sober, oh gosh its like riding the worst bull in the rodeo. It rears its ugly head. Sobriety can be so ephemeral, so fleeting, just a straw a morsel to hang on to.
Here I am, its all on the line, I can lose my daughter to CPS, my wife, my friends. But here I am, sober, had a little slip tonight gambled some and I can't do that either.
I wake up and think to myself Jeremy what are we going to do today. Its a world of decisions to be made, but we need to make the right ones. Kind of funny with all the possibilities all I want to do is drink and drug and gamble. Crazy right? All the things I can do but I have a one track mind. However, I am not going to drink or drug, I am going to find something is this world of possibilities to do that productive.
Sanity, I worry about sanity, if you don't know I am schizophrenic. I hear things that don't exist. my new medication is helping a lot, but still happens. I think at times I am going to lose it all, I think one day I am going to get lost in a delusion and never come back. Its scary, my own mind attacks me, so I am trying to enjoy everyday and have faith that I will be ok.
So taking it day by day, so much riding on everyday, but I am poised to stay sober. Worried about my sanity, but the meds are helping. Just glad to have opportunities still and a chance to change.