I have just read through your thread and I can relate to a lot of what you are going though. I am also a mother who is an alcoholic so I get it.
I am a few weeks away from my son entering counselling for issues..... I'd like to blame it all on his dad, who I am divorced from due to abuse and who drinks himself, but I'm sure my son will have some things to say about me too. It might be me to get pulled aside to talk about my drinking.
I don't have any advice to give just that I know where you're coming from.