way back when my 1st husband and I split up....our baby was just shy of a year old, and he'd taken up with my "best" friend. yeah, that was a hoot. we all worked together and I did try to keep working at his family's business but after a month just had to cry uncle.
so I lost my husband, my best friend, quit my job and on the advice of EVERYONE, moved back in with my mother, in her basement den.
a couple months into this brian calls me one night....he says sometimes he thinks he made a mistake, sometimes he just wants to call me and say come get me.
so there's the big opening right? he's indicating he wants to come back or is at least THINKING he wants to come back.
but too much had happened already. and I was able to say "sorry, you're too late" - not meanly or spitefully, just HONESTLY.
it's like amends.....made to you.....the amends maker may be 100% authentic in their apology, contrite, and with comprehension of what happened and the part they played.
but NOTHING is required of the amends receiver. not even an acknowledgement. and certainly not a CHANGE in behaviors. apologies and amends are not a command to change course.
you handled it very well Liz.....you didn't sway or buckle or go soft.....you heard him out, felt compassion, and let it be. you have come quite a ways from your early days here. god, that can sound SO condescending....or trite. but the woman who posts today doesn't even sound like the woman who posted under your username a year or so ago!