Originally Posted by
Para 
Yesterday, after a week of sobriety, I drank again. I feel like a failure and a hypocrite. Here i am giving support to others, yet why can't I follow my own encouraging words to others! I will get up and try again. And I feel as if yesterday strengthened my resolve to get sober again. I will stay sober. And I will be on SR, just won't be posting too much. I just need to stay quiet and read.
I haven't been around since before this happened and I was looking back through your earlier posts about the first symptoms of withdrawl you were facing and then I noticed the sneaky AV helping you to doubt yourself: I did hear my AV quite a few times during the day, but it wasn't so strong. It was kind of weak. But I do know it can get stronger if I let it.
And this later post which I think is the AV using the anxiety against you: My stomach is full of knots and butterflies, and I know this feeling so well...it's when my AV says, the knots in your stomach will go away if you just have one drink!
I think it would be useful to finish the idea; one drink = anxiety TEMPORARILY relieved, or so it seems yet an endless trap has been set into motion again as the FALSE relaxed state of that first drink or two sets the AV's illusion whilst simultaneously causing the drinkers normal levels of anxiety to RISE whilst believing in this notion which is pure AV.
I believe it's possible to 'urge surf' those times of anxiety when AV is strong e.g. The first few weeks of abstinence.
I put my faith and trust in myself, even when I still had doubts that I couldn't commit to lifetime abstinence, I made a promise to myself I would never drink alcohol again, I'm keeping my sincere oath, I never drink.
Hope you find the way through Para x