And even though some small part of me is aware that my drinking wouldn't be considered normal, I still can't believe I'm an alcoholic. I tell myself everyone else is over reacting. That I'm not that bad...I mean I don't drink thaat much, right? I'm not a sloppy drunk, etc etc.
What I'm hearing from your post is your AV talking. The above is your AV messing with you.
Listen, life is about choices. You can choose to drink or not. But you already know that drinking brings on consequences.
I wanted to be sober really bad. I was in a such a dark depression when I was drinking that I knew it couldn't get worse than this. I knew the alcohol was also playing a part in this depression that I couldn't shake. I came on this site & accepted that I was an alcoholic.....that was my game changer.
You have to want it, you have to want it bad enough to accept you're an alcoholic.