Hi Sara. I was just the same, from social drinking too much to drinking at home alone in secret. I didn't think I could survive life without alcohol.
Now I choose to live without it and, yep, there is a life out there without it. Not a dull dreary life but a life worth living.
You deserve to give yourself a chance to try it. It may take some determination and grit and a few white knuckle rides but hang on there, you're in for the ride of your life.
Just one small step at a time, don't look too far in the future just don't drink for now, today.