Hi All,
Just wanted to check into this thread and let everyone know that I'm now on day 26 and moving along. I've been to AA everyday, I'm not working the steps and don't think I will as they do not resonate with me in a way that makes me think it would be beneficial. I don't talk much at AA but going each day and listening to the stories, some like mine, some much worse I find therapeutic and it helps me to keep my perspective, almost like this place but even more so when you look into someones eyes while they tell there story or pour their heart out.
I have started exercising properly again and have dropped around 8lbs in the last 4 weeks. I did a longest run of 16 miles the other day and felt great to be out really pounding out those marathon training distances again. My body is screaming a bit as I'm pushing myself as fast as possible back into high miles but I tend to have a really high threshold for punishment before I get injured so not to worried.
Things seem to be pretty normal home after going back. We fell back into our normal routine with barely a whisper. I did try to talk a few times but she didn't want to and mentioned al-anon which she also had no interest in. I think the hurt I've done has run pretty deep and is just being pushed down at the minute. All I can do at the minute is prove my love through my actions. i play with my son, go to work, play with my son, go to AA, run then go to bed. That's it for me currently and I'm pretty content with that.
Had my liver tested which I'm awaiting results on. I originally wanted Antabuse which I told the doctor and got a perscription for from the alcohol unit but after sitting and staring at the box for a while I decided against it as the only way to cure me is by looking long and hard in the mirror not taking a drug that scares me out of drinking. The fear will only last so long if that is all that is my rock to hold onto.
In myself I feel good, I had to admit to my boss the truth as I needed a couple of weeks out and had no good reason due to being on fixed holidays. To be honest he took it well and has covered for me. He now takes me into his office for daily chat which while kind hearted is very uncomfortable for me.
I'm happy to report I have lost any cockiness I may have possessed with regards to my ability to control alcohol and my ability to easily quit. I know make my commitment to stay sober each morning to myself and to this forum and I look no further ahead than that.
I read a thread yesterday that really hit home to me how small my problems are, I have a good home, a good wife, a good job, my health, my fitness (my good looks
) and yet I spend all my time moaning about my life, trying to drown out issues with alcohol that in hindsight really aren't that bad. I'm thankful for that thread (although sad at it's content) as I believe it has given me a reason to count my blessings instead of letting the little things pile up on me.
Anyway have a good day all and stay strong.