Morning all,
So I have arrived in one piece at this morning of day twenty four. Business out the way first.
Physically, I am great. Sleep is good. Easy to fall asleep and I wake with the alarm. No more interrupted sleep patterns for a while now. The headache is still with me. I wake clear headed, and then the b@stard just eases its way into the day slowly. The headaches are not as sharp as they were in the early days, they are getting less violent in strength. They don't inhibit me from functioning, they are just a nasty side effect that I am carrying around. I cannot wait for the b@satrd to move out like the other withdrawal symptoms. Hand shakes are stable. Another thing I haven't had in a while are those flickering bits of light in front of my eyes. Numbness in the cheek is only just there. Another good sign. Muscles feel good. In fact my whole body feels good. Funny, my physical definition is starting to come back very quickly. I am looking quite toned, and that with very minimal exercise. Fitness comes back in leaps and bounds. I know this because I use a heart rate monitor for my resting and recovery heart rate in the mornings. I am still smoking.
It has it's ups and downs. I have read that some people use the same tools for stopping drinking to quit the fags. Interesting concept that I must try.
Mentally I am fine. Brain is good. I am still playing online chess. I have even considered studying something totally unrelated to what I do. Mind you, this is just considering. Not something set in stone yet. I once had a talent for music, or so my parents thought. I have even thought of dusting the old piano off and tickling the old ivories again. I think that somehow when we become sober our brains crave stimulation.
Emotionally I am good this morning. I was laying here waiting for the tilers and enjoying the sunshine when I had a few lazy thoughts of having a drink. The AV does become sneaky indeed. It was nothing pressing, just a lazy thought out of the blue, that passed so quickly. It was almost as if it had never even been there.
So where do I stand this morning. Well, it is great to spoil myself. I am doing the house up and I am doing what I wanted to do. It feels strange not having anyone to consult, but bugger it. Although it wasn't cold last night, I just loved having the fire going. It is calming. I have just realized how big and empty the house is. I don't mean empty of things, but devoid of human touch. Sometimes it gets a bit overwhelming, but I am learning to deal with it. I have set myself some additional tasks for the house, once the building work is complete. I need to tackle each room and sort it out. No easy feat with all the junk I have accumulated.
When my wife decided on separation, I remember asking the distinct question - so what now? We go out and meet new people and this is the end? Her response was no, this is not divorce. I need time to get my priorities right. I need to do what I want. Fair enough. Well easy enough for her. Not so easy for me. I am left with his blasted house with things full of memories. So in the spirit of fairness, I have decided to make everything in the house neutral. Take photos down and pack them away. Everything that could possibly remind me of her, pack away. Redo the house, my way. Reminds me of a song - "Cause you've been down on me for too long, and for too long I've just put you on. Now I'm tired of lying and I'm sick of trying because I'm losing who I really am. And I'm not choosing to be like them. Maybe today, yeah girl. I'll skip away" One of the best singer songwriters of all time in my opinion. Rodriguez.
The above paragraph is not meant to be all doom and gloom. It is my way of marshaling my thoughts. Sometimes better to write things down. At least you know where I am coming from when I write down my day.
Onto a less serious note. I have given some thought to the idea of writing a book. Yes it will have sex, drugs, drama, rock n roll, booze, life and other bits of hilarity in it. In fact, I already have someone who wants to edit it. I just need to find out if I have to pay an editor. Do they get credit for anything? Do I have to be famous to write about my life? Bugger all that, I'll just wing it. Nobody would believe the stories anyway, except those that were there. And they might just sue me for royalties or something like that.
So the tilers are late. At least they are on their way. I need to go flip a coin to see which tile I will use. The sun is up and the hours are wasting away. Time to stop procrastinating and get my butt into gear.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB