Evening all,
End of day twenty three for me. Firstly, I need to apologize for spelling and some misplaced words. This b@stard IPad with its autocorrect. Business first,
Physically I am fine. Not so tired, but I am going to sleep well. I can feel it. The headache has been riding me the whole day. I did not get to play lab rat today as the builders were bugging me the whole day, so only ate this evening. So I can only start my experiment tomorrow. The cheek numbness is still with me. Yet once again I missed out on my exercise. Builders again. Muscles feel good though.
Mentally, not much of a challenge. Supervising builders who turned into kids overnight and all of a sudden could not do anything without asking me first. The most challenging thing I did today was sort out house wiring that these people managed to stuff up.
Emotionally the day was par for the course. I did have my moments, but they are getting better. I don't seem to spend as much time in the dark places anymore. My mind sort of just overrides my heart when it gets too much. All in all I think today is some sort of progress on this front. I am not holding my breath and will see tomorrow.
All in all today was not a bad day. The builders finally finished everything they needed to do to prepare for the tilers. All the crete is removed from the floors. A wall is knocked out. A door bricked up and plastered. Plugs re-routed. They will have to come back and paint after the tilers are done. God help me. The fireplace people came and did their thing today. So I am sitting here typing this post out in front of a roaring fire. Toasty. The tilers will be here early tomorrow. They reckon it will take them a day and a half. This I have to see. I still haven't decided on a color yet. Light beige? Grey? White? FFS, I was pissed when we went to get the samples. How the hell would I remember what color she wanted. I will flip coins to eliminate. If I don't like the color that comes up, I will just go with what I like. Sounds like a good plan to me.
So as I sit here and type to you, I am not sure how to approach this aspect of recovery. I suppose just spit it out then. Libido. Now ladies, I cannot comment for you, so please don't expect this in your recovery. You are different to men. And chaps, we are all different ages, so this is an approximation. I would not say that I was not interested in sex when I was drinking. Don't get me wrong, in my twenties I tried to have my way with anything. When I got into my thirties and into more long term relationships, sure it was important. Sure the urge was there. But, and here is a huge but, if I did not get it there and then, I was able to drink that urge away. As long as I had booze, I really didn't care whether I got it or not. Yes it was frustrating to hardly get any, but booze eased that pain particularly well. When I did get any, it was usually after quite a few drinks, and we all know that heavy drinking does not unleash our inner stallion - although we might have thought so. So where did libido return in my journey. Well, folks, libido came back around day six. And it is not like the inner stallion that we imagine in our inebriation, no this is the real deal. So for the ladies with addicted partners - they will recover quite quickly. No need to worry there. I remember while I was drinking that my wife made me take a sperm count test. The results were below average. I think for the sake of science that I am going to take that test again to see if anything has changed. I have heard booze does affect this so a test will either prove or disprove my theory.
Well, that brings me to the end of this post. The cats are curled up on the side of the bed closest to the fireplace. They seem to love this new warm "light". I can see huge competition tonight.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB