Arghh Art, sorry you have to deal with this. I sense that you feel like you are connected to this person because of the circumstances you have faced, the similarities. However, you are growing and changing so much that you are not so similar after all anymore.
Have you tried talking to her about how her attitude when you guys speak annoys you. Say something like "everytime you call me it is to share negative things. I want to hear about positive things in your life"... Something like that... Call her out?
Ultimately it is your decision how much you will take and if you need to cut her out of your life. I also feel that you think that you would be mean by cutting her out and I understand your reasoning but remember what we have learned here: we have to protect our sobriety on top of everything so if it's something that is really affecting you it's something that you really have to think about and make the right decision. Why does she get at you so much? I Have a friend that I cut out of my life for about 5 to 6 years. I did not like the man that she was seeing and the relationship she was in so I decided to just cut all contact. Her things were REALLY getting to me and affecting me and I was worried sick. Years later we found each other again and now we are great friends better than before...
Be strong Art. This is your time!