Originally Posted by
Frixion 
I was convinced I was going to teach my self how to drink properly. Even now I'm having trouble with those thoughts. I know alcoholics have no control over alcohol, but I keep wondering if I can teach myself. Ugh.
I had the same problem for years. The quest for moderation was my holy grail, but no matter what i tried it always failed. I even tried the official "moderation management" program. It made so much sense, until it didn't.
For me, spending a lot of time here reading about others experiences, reading the big book and attending some AA meetings early on were very helpful in teaching me to accept my addiction. When I tried to fight it I always lost - but when I surrendered/accepted that I simply am not capable of drinking "normally" , and that I never, ever will be, things really turned around.