Evening all,
Well it is the end of day twenty one for me. Not the easiest day I have had so far, but I made it. More later on, first the business end.
Physically, I am ok. Headache attacked me mid morning. I think it was because I didn't eat. I had to take three headache powders to get rid of it. The numbness if the cheek is just with me. The hand shakes are gone. Although I was hungry most of the day, I only ate this afternoon. Not good, but it was the first opportunity I got. I didn't get my exercise in today, kind of gutted. Tomorrow is another day. My muscles are fully recovered though. I am smoking too much - boredom I guess. I am now making a concerted effort to use the silver cigar as much as possible.
Mentally it was not a very challenging day. I supervised the builders most of the day. I had to do a few wiring modifications for the light circuits as they knocked out a wall for me. My kitchen is now bigger by a third. God how I love a big kitchen.
Emotionally the day went ok, until this evening. Then the darkness set in for a while. With the darkness came the AV. It is difficult being attacked on two fronts, but with deep breathing and forcing my mind to dwell on other things I managed to get through it. I guess I had the H (hunger) and L (loneliness) of HALT today. In retrospect, I should have gone for the exercise even if it was dusk. I think that would have put me into a calmer frame of mind much quicker than trying to ride it through.
Even with the darkness of this evening, I cannot say it was a bad day. It is one more day under my belt. Although not pleasant, I'm facing my emotions and hopefully learning to deal with them. I am still sticking to my motivational books. Maybe after I complete this current one (another ultra marathon runner who was an alcoholic), I will have a go at the meditation. I have read some posts on the forum today and it seems to me that AA is not for everyone. I can see how. Not everyone appreciates a 'holier than thou' drunk dishing out advice, penance or punishment. No offense intended to anyone. I think that it is different strokes for different folks.
So tomorrow the last bit of building work gets done. Crete to be removed from three bathrooms, the stairs, the kitchen and the passageway. A door to be bricked up and plastered. Then the tiling can begin. If all goes well, these guys should be out if my hair by Friday afternoon. With winter coming on, I am considering putting in a fireplace in the upstairs master bedroom. Thank God for renovations, it keeps your mind off dark things.
Be safe and be strong,
Cheers,
ZAB